Here it is 1:20am. Last week you had this heart wrenching feeling that your lover was fooling around. Your instincts are pretty good but instead of just letting the emotions get to you. You call him to let him know what you were feeling.
It scared the shit out of you. You have always trusted YOUR lover 100% and here you are almost in tears because of the “What if?”…what if I trust him to much, what if he is, what if I am just here to make a family for him while he still is out there doing his thing.
You spend every night together but that doesn’t mean he can’t see someone before work or doing lunch or after work. He works far from home and he hasn’t gotten paid a full weeks pay for quite some time. So why home so late? All through your mind all the time.
You thought what you had was wonderful and then all of this, out of no where.
It fucks you up inside. You feel deceived, betrayed, ugly, angry, used just like your previous deceivers. You thought this was different.
Your lover stated the last couple of months he has hated his job that is probably why you felt like he was cheating, but you usually have very good intuition. Even when he explained it to you it doesn’t feel right.
You love him so much and it would kill you if he was!! You are strong and know you can make it on your own. You don’t want him to keep you around because his kids love you, or because you love them. You don’t want him to keep you around because together you make a family for our children needs…Bills are paid, we have a nice home, great jobs.
I want him to love me honestly, loyally and without worry. So, why is my intuition of betrayal in my gut?
You just want the truth and go from there. If he was talking and seeing someone then let me go. (You internally want him to tell you the truth so that you know if your staying or going)
You can make it on your own don’t let him keep you around because he’s afraid someone else will benefit.
Strongly you would rather be alone then deal with these feelings of hurt and worry. You hate this feeling it brings back so much pain….You just want it to go back to the way it was.
Just to be happy again…the last two weeks have been a roller coaster. You have been putting up your guard getting ready for the unknown and don’t even know if it there is an unknown. so the best thing is to trust your intuition, and tell him what will happen if it is in fact true.
Stand Strong! Hold your own! This too shall PASS…ALWAYS DOES!!
“I decided to give you my heart the last thing that I could lose
The beginning was tough I fell to fast you wanted to test my fuse
I withstood it all, the games you played showing I was in it for the haul
Yet here I am questioning MY trust without it we lose it all
My tears come in silence, because men can easily play the games
My heart aches to know it could be and I can care less of her name”