Here it is 1:20am. Last week you had this heart wrenching feeling that your lover was fooling around. Your instincts are pretty good but instead of just letting the emotions get to you. You call them to talk about what you were feeling.
It scared the shit out of you. You have always trusted them 100% and here you are almost in tears because of the “What if?” What if you trust them to much? What if they are, What if you are just here to make a family for them while they still are out there doing their thing.
You spend every night together but that doesn’t mean they can’t see someone before work, during lunch, or after work. They work far from home and haven’t received a full weeks pay for quite some time. So why are they home so late? These insane thoughts are running rapid constantly.
You thought what you had was wonderful and then all of this, out of no where. It fucks you up inside. You feel deceived, betrayed, ugly, angry, used, just like your previous deceivers. You thought this was different.
They stated; “The last couple of months they hated their job. This is why they are so distant.” Even when they tried to explain it away it didn’t feel right.
Your intuition is usually very good. So, why must they make you second guess yourself? Why can’t they just let you know? Why?… Why?… Why?… Such cowards to feel afraid after the fact. Being afraid someone else will benefit from their mistake after the fact! Why do they think of every thing after the FACT! Before anyone can make a mistake there has to be the feeling of wanting to be loved honestly, loyally, and without worry; right?
You are strong and can make it on your own but you do not want to. You are in love with them and right now your intuition is screaming; “BETRAYAL!”.
10,000 knives are stabbing you. A heart trying to beat, a stomach trying not to feel, and a mind trying not to lose it…
“I decided to give you my heart the last thing that I could lose
The beginning was tough I fell to fast you wanted to test my fuse
I withstood it all, the games you played showing I was in it for the haul
Yet, here I am questioning MY trust without it we lose it all
My tears come in silence, because they can easily play these games
My heart aches to know it just could be, and I care less of their name”